She got into her car, and as she realized it her eyes were wet.
She saw her tears in the side mirror. I don’t wanna be seen crying, especially not in the parking area of the hospital, she thought, so she swept away her tears and switched on the radio and started the car.
I need to get to the clinic back, she thought. She needs to get another reference letter as the hospital doctor said she has to look for a specialist, and apparently he’s not the one. Well, you’re nothing good, then, she silently but angrily thought.
She was frustrated. She was scared. She was confused.
What is wrong with me? The question has been around lately in her mind and as it’s becoming clear to her the answer is still far away, she realized she’s driving in circles with (still) tears in her eyes. This can’t be good, she thought. I can’t be driving like this. So she calmed down and found the highway exit to get to the clinic.
Still, her eyes were wet.
Reaching the clinic, the assistant hurriedly get her medical card and asked her to wait. Her name was called. All the while, she told herself to keep her shit together and not fall apart with all those scary thoughts in her head.
I need to get a new letter, doctor, the hospital said they don’t have the right person.
I see, how are you doing? Are you getting better?
No..she wanted to say, but she knew the doctor could already see. From her voice, she’d know. Then the doctor goes on telling her about another supposedly good hospital for her, and how good the specialists are, and how nice the facilities are, and how big the hospital is.
Doctor, please tell me..what is wrong with me? I just want to know what’s wrong..
And she was crying. Shaking uncontrollably, when she knew even the nurses were surprised by the weird scene, but she couldn’t help it. The doctor, always so calm, seemed prepared for her reactions. Which breaks her even more; as if to confirm her concerns.
I don’t know yet, but we will get the answer soon, don’t worry.
But doctor..she couldn’t catch her breath, still sobbing like a 3-year old child.
You’re sick because God loves you. He tests His beloved servants to keep us close to Him, but He will never give something that is beyond our strength and capability. Never feel alone, because He will always be with you.
She nodded, in between sweeping away her tears and still shaking. She knew the doctor was right. Somehow, the words are exactly what she needed to hear.
We will help you. We will find the answer, just have faith and keep telling Him your fears because that will keep you closer to Him.
She nodded, still. Thank you doctor, I will.
And as she left the clinic, with two new reference letters for two different specialists for her, she felt hopeless but calmer.
She never felt so alone. But as alone goes, He is always with her, watching her. And hopefully, she will get her answer soon.
Get over him. He’s not even worth it. He is not worth your time or your tears. Yeah you loved him, I know that. And I know you just can’t see yourself with anyone other than him, I get that. I’ve been there. But why should you spend all your time sitting at home, bawling your eyes out and wondering where he is and who he is with. Do you honestly think he is thinking about you? No. Sure it hurts, the fact that he is out there falling in and out of love with other girls. Yeah you’re going to see him with one of his new girlfriends. Prepare yourself, because straight up; it’s gonna hurt. He will hold her a little closer and squeeze her hand a little tighter just because he knows you’re watching. He knows it’s killing you; and that’s why he will do it. Don’t let him get to you because that, well that’s exactly what he wants. Don’t give him what he wants. He doesn’t even deserve it. So what if he doesn’t talk to you? Do you honestly wanna be friends with an asshole like him anyway? Thing is, I know you still do. But give it time. Because all he would do is talk about his new girlfriend and just try and make you jealous, and really. Do you want to hear that? No. So screw him and his girlfriend. He will be sorry, trust me. When he finally sees you with some other guy who’s not him. With that huge grin on your face and your boyfriend holding you close, he will realize how happy you are now. And how happy your boyfriend is because he has you; the girl of his dreams. He will realize the huge mistake he made when he let you go, when he decided to choose her over you, when he decided he just did not love you the same. Trust me, he will be sorry. So don’t go on spending your nights waiting for that one phone call you know you’ll never get. Or that IM you know he will never send you simply because he likes to ignore you. He likes to pretend he doesn’t see you online, and he does it out of spite just because he knows it’s killing you. When he walks past you in the hallways, he is gonna look past you, but you need to know he only does that because he knows somewhere inside you, it will hurt. I’m not gonna lie to you. It will hurt. It will hurt a lot. But it will hurt even more when you see her name and how much he loves her in his profile. It’s all going to hurt. Knowing you’re not the girl that’s making him smile. Knowing you’re not the first person he thinks of when he wakes up and the last before he goes to sleep. Knowing you’re not the face on his wallpaper. Knowing you won’t be spending every single moment possible with him. Knowing there’s not going to be anymore late night phone calls arguing about who loves who the most. And you know what? Today, tomorrow, next week, or maybe months from now; your phone will go off with a text message, you will instantly grab your phone hoping it’s him saying he wants to give your relationship another shot. But trust me; he’s got too much pride. Even if he wanted to get back together with you, he wouldn’t tell you. You’re soon going to realize he doesn’t care about you anymore and he won’t be the first person you think of calling when you’re upset. He won’t be the one to put that smile back on your face. And yeah it’s going to hurt; its going to hurt a lot. But you know what you’re going to do? You’re going to hold your head up. You’re going to show him you’re better off without him and you don’t need him in your life. You’re going to prove to him that he made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go and that you never really needed him anyway.
The best advice someone has ever given to me. It gave a the wake up call i seriously needed. Til this day, when i read it, it makes me tear up. (via tastetherainbow999